So after my last post, I can greatfully say I have calmed down. But things did get worse before they could get better. So yesterday me and zane went and got woo from GP and she had a party for Jordie's 17th. But originally me Ty and Austin were going to go and retrieve woo from gp and see a movie and go for dinner. Ty wasn't allowed blah blah blah. But I wanted to do that so I didn't tell Austin I was mad at him. So then I go to woo's party and I'm still pissed. And everyone starts telling me that Taylor asked Austin to prom. So I was super fucking mad. And then I got railed and didn't talk to him the entire night.

So he said he didn't and its just Taylor being a dumb slut. I think I believe him because she's a dumb c word and totally would say something like that to piss me off. I'm not really in a blogging mood... Peace out A town

So today is fucking great!

So my day started off with me and Austin going out for breakfast and A & W. We talked about like what we are and I think he had the intentions of making things more official. But I explained to him that I didn't feel the need to define what we are. We came to a mutual agreement that we wouldn't see other people and just take each day as it comes. So good and done or so I thought! He tells me at breaky that Lani called him at five in the morning and she's such a bitch blah blah blah. He claims he's so sick of her and shit.

So my day goes on and I don't think much about any of this, because she often calls him and he says this same thing. Austin goes back to Whitecourt for the entire day but makes no contact with me whatsoever. Zane texts me and is all did Austin tell you about him and Lani's chat. Then says he was crying and they kept saying I love you and shit. So I get super mad and then he's like it wasn't all get back together kinda stuff. He now is saying he was telling her he fucked her over. But if he's still crying over it, obviously he's not moved on. He always says if he sees that Jesse guy, he'd kick his ass. Doesn't really sound like what I'd say about someone I was supposedly over!

At about six I go and workout and finally text him. He gives me super short, lame, vague answer replies and quits replying. At like almost 7 he says he's leaving whitecourt and then no word from him again. I had little dizzy/disoriented whatever thingy from like 8:30 to ten. And when I woke up I text him again. Then Zane calls and says he wants to watch a movie. So we tell Austin and he says he's at Sharks and will pop over in a bit. So Zane wants to go cruising first and Sharks isn't even open! His vehicle is no where to be found. And then after about an hour he calls and says he's at the house so we go back. He is completely shitfaced and stoned. Great joy. So I'm pissed but wasnt alone and couldn't talk to him.

And then Simone comes in and we all start chatting, me her Austin Zane. And Aus starts talking about Vern blah blah blah and he told Vern that he never wants to have a relationship again. And like all our jaws drop. And Simone pipes up and says don't be retarded, how could you say that, you're so rude! And Austin is like I'm serious, I'm being truthful I don't. So what the fuck?!?!?! He basically just said that whatever we even have he wants it to end or it will never go any farther than what it is. So basically we're just fucking. I'm so sick of this. Like I can make guys want me but I can't make them want a relationship or anything real. I just hate how it is here; I refuse to believe that every guy is like this. I can't wait to move away. Like honestly every guy I've slept with or wheeled since Mikey only wants something physical. I can't believe he said that to my face in front of his family. I'm such a fool. What am I thinking? Like I am so embarassed.... He's my ex best friends baby daddy and I go for him based upon simple flattery. God I'm stupid.

And you'd think this would be the worst part of the night... but it gets worse. He doesn't even know what he said is offensive or rude and just wants to cuddle up and watch "The Orphan". And I wasn't totally rejecting him but I sure hope he could feel tension. So then he perks up and says I need to go get Ty, I'll be back super soon. Then he goes and completely changes into much nicer clothes. Yeah to go get Ty? Fuck. And then never comes back; no text or call or anything. So if he wanted to party with his guy friends and he just told me that I could give a fuck less. But like I wonder what is going on that he finds it so necessary to lie about everything. Like where the eff was he when he was "At Sharks" and where did he go afterwards. I'm just really feeling like I'm done. God, its so embarassing. Oh and ps I totally waited to sleep with him. And like made him promise that it had to actually be something. And that I didnt just want to be fucking him. So yay that lasted long. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Whats been a happening!

So exams are coming up, kill me! I am not prepared for any of them. Tomorrow and Saturday are dedicated to studying. Hoping I pass chem... and never have to touch it again!

Still have these god damn gallstones. Ate fries today with minimal pain. Wonder if these ever spontaneously go away? Well shouldn't test it cause I do need to be in tip top shape for the Death Race anyways. Gonna start the training tomorrow, I know that'll be brutes. I think I'm gonna pretty much quit drinking... like only for special occasions. Can't say the same about the other stuff; don't really think it has such a bad effect on running?

So on to the fun stuff! Boy stuff! Seeing Austin which is deece. Still unsure though... Like he's my ex-bestfriends baby daddy. How fucked is that!?! But I do really like him as a person though, it'd be way better if there wasn't all that baggage. But you can't help the way you feel, can you? He says he's gonna ask me something tomorrow... If he does ask me out I'm going to say no. Thats too much for me. Like we can see each other and eventually one day we will realize we're dating and be like wow that was easy. Or someone will ask and then we'll just know. Cuz right now, I sure as hell don't. I hope he doesn't ask cause he seems like the guy who will get all sad about it if I say no. But on the other hand that would likely be better than some awkward bad type question!

Well I think Imma hit the hay so nighty night!

New Years Resolutions for 2010

1. Follow resolutions conclusively.
2. Stay under 140 lbs. Starting immediately. Weight today: 139.5.
3. Stop eating so much fast food. I'm always so sick because of how badly I eat.
4. Sleep more. Shoot for 8 hours minimum! This means going to bed before midnight on school days (omg!).
5. Train for and complete the 19 km leg in the Death Race.
6. Read more books.
7. Drink less.
8. Don't sleep around. Make a decision on whether it is in YOUR best interest to sleep with that person. When starting to see someone, wait before doing the deed. Always use protection and be safe.
9. Be sure to graduate.
10. Keep in touch with important friends.
11. When I make a commitment, keep it.
12. Don't prioritize friends over one another. They're all equal. Never let a guy come between friends.
13. Be less of a bitch. Keep radical opinions and judgements to self.

Just finished reading Sarah's and Morgan's old blogs. Pretty sure this a sweet and awesome way to remember what happens in my life. Still unsure if I am going to share this with anyone. Can't wait to start blogging away! :) :)