So today is fucking great!

So my day started off with me and Austin going out for breakfast and A & W. We talked about like what we are and I think he had the intentions of making things more official. But I explained to him that I didn't feel the need to define what we are. We came to a mutual agreement that we wouldn't see other people and just take each day as it comes. So good and done or so I thought! He tells me at breaky that Lani called him at five in the morning and she's such a bitch blah blah blah. He claims he's so sick of her and shit.

So my day goes on and I don't think much about any of this, because she often calls him and he says this same thing. Austin goes back to Whitecourt for the entire day but makes no contact with me whatsoever. Zane texts me and is all did Austin tell you about him and Lani's chat. Then says he was crying and they kept saying I love you and shit. So I get super mad and then he's like it wasn't all get back together kinda stuff. He now is saying he was telling her he fucked her over. But if he's still crying over it, obviously he's not moved on. He always says if he sees that Jesse guy, he'd kick his ass. Doesn't really sound like what I'd say about someone I was supposedly over!

At about six I go and workout and finally text him. He gives me super short, lame, vague answer replies and quits replying. At like almost 7 he says he's leaving whitecourt and then no word from him again. I had little dizzy/disoriented whatever thingy from like 8:30 to ten. And when I woke up I text him again. Then Zane calls and says he wants to watch a movie. So we tell Austin and he says he's at Sharks and will pop over in a bit. So Zane wants to go cruising first and Sharks isn't even open! His vehicle is no where to be found. And then after about an hour he calls and says he's at the house so we go back. He is completely shitfaced and stoned. Great joy. So I'm pissed but wasnt alone and couldn't talk to him.

And then Simone comes in and we all start chatting, me her Austin Zane. And Aus starts talking about Vern blah blah blah and he told Vern that he never wants to have a relationship again. And like all our jaws drop. And Simone pipes up and says don't be retarded, how could you say that, you're so rude! And Austin is like I'm serious, I'm being truthful I don't. So what the fuck?!?!?! He basically just said that whatever we even have he wants it to end or it will never go any farther than what it is. So basically we're just fucking. I'm so sick of this. Like I can make guys want me but I can't make them want a relationship or anything real. I just hate how it is here; I refuse to believe that every guy is like this. I can't wait to move away. Like honestly every guy I've slept with or wheeled since Mikey only wants something physical. I can't believe he said that to my face in front of his family. I'm such a fool. What am I thinking? Like I am so embarassed.... He's my ex best friends baby daddy and I go for him based upon simple flattery. God I'm stupid.

And you'd think this would be the worst part of the night... but it gets worse. He doesn't even know what he said is offensive or rude and just wants to cuddle up and watch "The Orphan". And I wasn't totally rejecting him but I sure hope he could feel tension. So then he perks up and says I need to go get Ty, I'll be back super soon. Then he goes and completely changes into much nicer clothes. Yeah to go get Ty? Fuck. And then never comes back; no text or call or anything. So if he wanted to party with his guy friends and he just told me that I could give a fuck less. But like I wonder what is going on that he finds it so necessary to lie about everything. Like where the eff was he when he was "At Sharks" and where did he go afterwards. I'm just really feeling like I'm done. God, its so embarassing. Oh and ps I totally waited to sleep with him. And like made him promise that it had to actually be something. And that I didnt just want to be fucking him. So yay that lasted long. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.