Why can't people just walk away and you never have to see them again. I have never been on such an emotional rollercoaster, like how it is with Austin. He's just been playing me hot and cold to minipulate Noelani this whole time. I know I've probably said that a million times. So after him telling me he CAN'T go to prom with me. "He can't explain it to me, I wouldn't understand. It's not me, its him. No one understands." After he told me that I literally just broke down bawling. And then tonight Zane tells me Aus asked Simone if he could bring Lani to prom. Like I'm so sick of it. I'm just the girl every guy runs to after breaking up with his girlfriend to make them jealous. Like why can't I be the one someone wants? What's so wrong with me? It's just not fair.

I feel like nothing good ever happens to me. And I treat people well. I try to never talk behind their backs or manipulate. And like I just always get the shit end of the stick. Is it this town? Or is it just me? I always think it will change when I go to university but it probably won't. Its not like it is every guy out there. Like whats more likely: Every guy is an asshole specifically to me? Or there is something wrong with me? Obviously the second one. I just want to to get the fuck out of here and never look back. God when will I feel different. Its been two fucking months of Austin just treating me like I'm nothing. Like how am I that fucking stupid that I just keep going back. In a fucking week, she will have fucked one of his friends and he'll come running back to me just to make her jealous. And I'll fall for it because I'm that desperate to feel like someone, anyone could be interested in me. Even when I know its not me that they want. He was always saying I had no confidence, I wonder fucking why!